Days +226 & +227, Thursday & Friday

I was grateful Wednesday night, when my nurse called back to let me know Dr W had prescribed a 10-day course of Augmentin, and it would be waiting at my pharmacy. I was also thankful when Andy picked it up and returned with extras in the form of Pull & Peel Twizzlers and cookie dough ice cream; the man gave me choices, and I appreciated that. I was happiest about starting the antibiotics, but the ice cream was certainly a special treat.

I was wiped both Thursday and Friday. Historically, sleep has been tough when I’m sick, between an irritated throat, stuffy sinuses and an incessant urge to cough. I spend many sleepless hours awake sipping tea while the world slumbers on. I’m thankful I don’t need to be up early or, well, anywhere at the moment; it allows me to catch up to myself and sleep when I can.

This post transplant stuff is hard, in so many ways. I’m grateful to be here, alive and doing well; however, there’s still a lot of fear. I do my best to not future trip, not let my mind go in circles – to stay in the present moment. And I think I’m pretty good at that; though, there’s a constant undercurrent of fear, flowing beneath the surface. Occasionally that fear rises and I do my best to cope.

Like with baking.

Thursday was low key, meaning I pushed the fluids, read, had two virtual meetings and generally did my best to relieve the constant sinus headache. There’s only so much DayQuil and stuff that I can take, though. I spent some time reading outside, the fresh air serving me well. I flirted with the idea of a walk, but meetings and thunderstorms made me think twice, and in the end I stayed home.

Friday was stormy inside and out, energy thick in the air. I was tired, my sinuses throbbed, but a hot shower worked wonders. I spent a good part of the day trip planning for a July Yosemite backpacking trip with Christine, and dreaming. Lots of dreaming, too, which even if nothing comes to pass, makes me feel like my healthy & happy self. Later, laying on Andy’s chest watching the afternoon storms roll through was a highlight.

Unfortunately, it was all too soon followed by a low point. Relationships are tough; a stem cell transplant and subsequent illness only exacerbates that. He had one idea about how something needed to be done, and I didn’t fit his expectation. It was hurtful and, at a time when I could have used a bit of compassion and grace, it wasn’t given. Even today, I’m working on letting it go, but I’m hurt and just tired.

So I journaled and cried. And journaled some more. I gave myself space, drank tea, watched thoughtful stand up comedy, drank more tea and read. Eventually I clambered up to bed, but per my usual when sick, it took a long time before I actually fell asleep.

Physically my sinus infection is progressing; DayQuil helps, though the pressure and headaches still linger as always. I remind myself this isn’t forever, that in another day or two, I’ll be better. Otherwise my skin is doing ok, though a bit itchy after an extra-long, hot shower. Understandable. My eyes are a bit puffy and my mouth/lips feel dry, likely due to fatigue and antibiotics. Thankfully my glands are less swollen and I’m curious about how my body will appear for Sunday’s PET Scan. With my EBV results still high after several weeks, Dr W is erring on the side of caution and ordering the scan in order to check for enlarged lymph nodes. There’s always something, right?

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I hope that you are having a wonderful day wherever you are. Thank you for reading – Mazel & cheers!