Day -19, Thursday

Today was a tough day.

It started out OK – I relocated a spider from my room to the fake flower arrangement in the hallway (have a good life, Ben!) What can I say? I like spiders, they are good luck. They eat bad bugs. But I don’t want one – a large one at that – crawling under my bed. So relocation it was.

I had two major appointments today; the first involved a 75 minute Pulmonary Function Test, and the second was a 2.5 hour NIH-level eye exam. The PFT felt like breath sets while training for Ironman Triathlon starts. I know this because I survived Ironman. Twice. But the eye exam, the eye exam. I don’t even know half the tests they did, but they were important tests, specifically to establish a baseline for my eyes should I develop ocular-related complications due to Graft vs Host disease. But there were drops, lots of eye drops, and lights, the brightest lights I have ever seen. It was like staring into the sun, but without the tropical drinks and sandy beaches.

I actually felt nauseated.

So I stumbled back to the Family Lodge to lay down in my room – the sunlight was painfully bright and it was hard to see. Honestly, I probably shouldn’t have been walking outside, but I just wanted to curl up. Self-induced? Sure – but my sleep mask and Calm app (hello Sleep Stories) were calling to me.

And that’s just what I did.

Later, I had a few hours of virtual meetings, and I rallied. And now, rather than my typical hot tea, I’m sipping hot chocolate and distracting with MSNBC. Don’t judge – I love Rachel and Brian and as grim as the news is, it serves as a distraction from my health. And sometimes, that’s just what you need.